I Wish You Love
by lysser8312
Summary: Lucas and Peyton were together for five years, but things were never right for them, and eventually she realizes she has to let him go. Whether she wants to or not, it’s all she can do to move on in her life. She just wants him to be loved. One shot.


**Title: I Wish You Love**

**Disclaimer: **Basically I don't own any of the characters in the story that are from the show. If they're not in the show, I therefore made them up and they are mine ;) Feel free to get me Mr. Lafferty for my birthday though :)

**Summary: **Lucas and Peyton were together for five years, but things were never right for them, and eventually she realizes she has to let him go. Whether she wants to or not, it's all she can do to move on in her life. One shot.

**Author's Note: **I know I'm a one shot-whore, so sue me.

* * *

_The rain was pounding angrily on the roof of their small apartment. He was making noise in the kitchen trying to get a glass of water; it was keeping her from sleeping. Their fifth anniversary was approaching quickly, and every so often the thoughts of what direction they were going in entered her mind. She made it a point to push the thoughts away as soon as they came, but sometimes it just wasn't fast enough. Sometimes she still wondered what was to become of them._

_They had never been like Nathan and Haley; things had never come that easily for the two of them. Nathan and Haley knew where they were meant to be, they were meant to be married and live that type of life. They were meant to have kids and live happily ever after with their white picket fence. And any fights they encountered were resolved in the time period of a "Full House" episode._

_Peyton Sawyer had known from the age of eleven that she was meant to do big things, she was meant to get out of Tree Hill and be something. She was meant to go to New York City or Los Angeles. She was meant to live. She was meant to be an artist and be free; she had known it for years._

_Lucas Scott had been completely content with the life Nathan and Haley had set out for themselves. He wanted kids and a nice house by a lake where he could lay in a hammock with a book. He was okay with that life, but it wasn't Peyton. They knew, had known since they met up after high school graduation and rekindled their old flame._

_And things had definitely worked for a while. There was passion and love making all through the apartment every night for weeks. But they lived in the suburban outskirts of North Carolina, and Peyton did tend to get bored with her life when he was at work. There were so many paintings scattered throughout the house from her days at home, she'd lost count of them all._

_Lucas didn't want the New York lifestyle, he wanted settled and permanent. She couldn't live with settled and permanent, but she didn't dare tell him that. And she wouldn't let herself realize that._

_So he re-entered their bedroom with his water and settled himself under the covers. She lay beside him the way she did every night but it wasn't where she wanted to be. She was pretty sure they both knew it, but why wreck such a good thing when the only thing wrong was that she was completely unhappy. _

_The clock rolled over to 3 AM, she watched the minutes switch over as she laid beneath his hovering form. His breathing was heavy, and she had to admit this was their first really good night in months. She was feeling whole again, but she knew tonight, she had to let him go. He deserved someone who wanted the life he wanted, who was going to be happy with him._

"_Luke…"_

"_Hmm?" he kept his unshaven face close to hers; she could hear him breathing in her ear. He was making this harder than she wanted it to be. When he was that close she could still feel her love for him, because it was never that she didn't love him. Things were just too different, she wasn't happy anymore. And no matter how hard she tried she couldn't make herself be happy where she was._

"_I have to let you go," she whispered to the boy above her. He seemed to take a few minutes to register her words; to comprehend exactly what she was trying to say to him._

"_Let me go?" his voice nearly cracked, she forced herself to choke back a sob._

"_You know just as well as I do that this isn't gonna happen for us. It's never going to be the way it was, and we're never going to both be happy, we're too different now. We want completely different things out of life…"_

"_You don't love me anymore, do you?"_

"_Lucas…" she let out a breath she was holding deep inside her chest before she could even begin to answer him. "Don't…you can't doubt my love for you. I love you so much that it makes my chest ache when you're gone. But this is only going to hurt us both, don't you get it?" she so wanted to make him understand. She wanted to let him look into the future; to see this was the best move for both of them._

_She could tell from the look in his eyes that she was slowly breaking his heart._

"_Is it someone else, Peyt?"_

_She felt her heart drop into her stomach as he nearly threw up on his words. It made her stomach churn to hear him ask her that._

"_Never. It's never been anyone else; you've been **everything** to me, Luke. I'm just not happy…"_

"_Why? What did I do?" his voice was slowly breaking, she could hear it crack more and more with every syllable dropping out of his mouth. She hated that this was going to tear him down to rock bottom before it would help his life._

"_You did nothing. You didn't," she let her small hands roam his toned back muscles. She wanted to help, she wanted to make him feel better, to kiss away his pain that was pouring from his eyes. "I can't live this life; I need the city and a different life than you can give me. I hate to do this to you…"_

"_I'll come with you. I can live in the city –"_

"_That's not you, Luke. It's never been you at all. You love this life; you love the beach and the country life with books and huge backyards. And if you came with me, you'd resent me for it. You deserve someone who loves this life just as much as you. Someone who loves spending every minute in that hammock with you, you do. As much as you don't think you want it, it's what you deserve. I know you, Lucas Scott. If it was up to you we'd spend days out there, but I can't. You know that about me, you've always known that about me. I get restless and I need action. And I'm sorry…"_

"_Don't do this, Peyton, please," she felt his hot tears drip onto her bare shoulders and arms. She would give anything to be happy with him, but sometimes life just isn't fair._

"_If I stayed with you…I would hate you for it…and I won't do that to us," she stifled another sob and swallowed the lump in her throat for the eighth time. "I can't do that to us…I love you too much for that to happen…"_

_He leaned down as tears continued to fall, covering her lips with his own. He didn't want to let her go; he wanted to hold her forever. And she wanted the same thing, but it wasn't going to happen that way for them._

"_God, I love you," he told her softly. He let his head lower to her chest, laying himself down gently while her fingers moved through his shaggy hair._

"_I love you too, Luke…always."

* * *

_

_- 'I wish you blue birds in the spring, to give your heart a song to sing and then a kiss, but more than this, I wish you love' – _

**-- One Year Later --**

**It had been** a whole year since she left him that morning. She did as she said she needed to; she moved to New York City a week after that night. He stayed put and grieved for quite a few months before he was able to pull his life back together. But he did.

He moved on, kept working at his job and moved up the ladder. He carried her with him; he still stubbornly kept her pictures up around the apartment until Haley urged him to take them down. She knew he would get nowhere with her staring him in the face all day.

Lucas and Peyton didn't talk, but she did check in on him. Haley and Nathan kept her up-to-date on his life and how he was doing. She never went too long without asking about him. She knew what she did to him, but it had broken her heart too to leave him. Nobody really understood just how much it had hurt her to make that final decision.

Lucas would ask his brother about her when he felt it was appropriate, but the truth was that it hurt him to hear how good she was doing. He wasn't bitter about it, he only kept fond memories of her with him, but sometimes it just hurt. Nathan knew not to push his brother on the subject, so rather than tease him, he just gave him the information he wanted.

Lucas hadn't been with any girls after Peyton left him, though both Haley, Nathan, and his mother urged him to move and to start dating again. His heart was left a little too shattered to just pick up and find someone new.

Peyton had tried to move on, but her heart remained with one boy. She knew that she had made the right decision, though it had taken some time to make it. And even when the nights got too long and she had to re-think, she would make the same decision every time. It was only to help them both. He had to know that, she had to make herself believe that.

* * *

_- 'And in July, a lemonade, to cool you in some leafy glade, I wish you health, but more than wealth, I wish you love' - _

**The streets of **New York City were packed with hundreds of people. Lucas just wanted to get through; he needed his morning coffee since the meeting had postponed him from getting it before. It had occurred to him that he was in the city where Peyton was living, but out of millions of people he had told himself the chances of running into her were slim and none.

Haley, Nathan, his mother, and even Deb had convinced him of that too.

And it was a true fact. Out of all those people what chances did he really have of running into _her?_

"Watch where you're going!" his body jolted around on the sidewalk and into a few other passers by.

"I was just trying to walk, maybe you're the one going…" his eyes were pulled upward to look at his opponent, but they were only meeting the same hazel/green eyes that had broken his heart a year ago. "Peyton?"

"Lucas…"

His stomach felt like a bowling ball had been thrown into it a few hundred times. He was tempted to throw the contents of his doughnut up; out of all those people…

"Lucas, what are you doing here?"

He didn't know how to answer her anymore; he didn't really have anything to say to her anymore. She seemed to refuse to even call him "Luke", had it really been that long? Had they lost all sense of intimacy? He didn't want to believe they had, she was such a part of his life for so long; a year shouldn't change that so quickly.

"Oh, uh…business meeting? Maybe we should get out of the middle of the street…would you wanna go with me to get my coffee so we can catch up a little?" as those words left his lips he wanted to kick himself in the ass.

It was so hard to look at her, to know she was so happy while he was miserable without her. It wasn't fair. Why was she able to move on so quickly? And now he had to go get his coffee with her.

"Yeah, sure. I actually have a really good place if you wanna trust me on this one," she smiled at him, hoping he would trust her. But she did take into consideration that he might say no, that he may never be able to trust her again. The last time he trusted her he was a little bit shattered.

"Well, I kind of found one yesterday morning that I liked and we're already like a block from there. It's just easier if we go there…"

She couldn't blame him for that, she deserved it. What reason did he have to trust her anymore? She had no credit for him to build upon, that was all destroyed a year ago. So instead they walked in silence to his coffee shop where he offered to sit with her for a little while. How could she refuse? She had missed him, contrary to what he believed.

* * *

_- 'My breaking heart and I agree that you and I could never be. So with my best, my very best, I set you free' – _

**Breaking the ice** was a little bit awkward for the both of them. Lucas wasn't quite sure how to act around the girl he had once built his whole world upon. And Peyton didn't know how to show she cared to the boy whose heart she had ripped out.

"How's the city?" he didn't want to seem so lame as to ask about the weather, so he opted to ask about her life.

"Not too bad. My apartment's a little on the small side, but it suits me. If you had some free time later there's an open invitation for you to check it out," she smiled at him, she wanted to let him know it was okay to be happy with her now; he was allowed to smile.

"Uh…I'll see if I have some time…"

"How long are you here for, Luke?" he wanted to cringe at his own nickname. It was one she had often used as a sing of affection; now it just hurt to her from her.

"Just one more night, _Peyt_."

She couldn't say it didn't sting. To hear the hurt and spite in his voice made her heart ache a little bit more than usual. She faltered for a minute and let out a nervous laugh.

"Look, I can't do this if all you're going to do is be bitter and angry at me. I wanted to re-build our friendship, but you obviously can't handle this right now, Lucas. If you're ever in the city again and want to talk, give my cell phone a call. It's the same number…" she stood and turned on her heel. Blinking back the tears in her eyes she walked out of the small coffee place and started back to her apartment.

She didn't know he had followed her until she felt his hand on her arm while she attempted to unlock her door. But the last thing she wanted was to deal with this drama again, she couldn't handle the cliché make-up moment.

"I just…I miss you, ya know? You kinda stepped all over my heart and not hearing from you for a year just made it harder. You were my best friend for five years; it was like losing my best friend. I don't mean to be bitter with you…and if you're still willing I'll check out the apartment," he tried to smile at her, she half-smiled at his lop-sided smirk.

They wandered around her small space, she watched him, awaiting his reactions to her new life. He seemed to approve from the way he raised his eyebrows and smiled at her paintings.

"You know…I still consider you my best friend, Lucas…"

He turned to meet her eyes. He shoved his hands deep inside his suit pockets, letting his eyes fall to the ground a few times.

"Thanks, I guess. I wish I could say the same…"

She averted her eyes to the couch, suddenly finding the fabric to be the most interesting thing in the world. She knew what was coming, so she had to wonder why she threw the statement out there.

"We never would have worked out. It just wasn't in the cards for you and me. And it broke my heart to leave you like that, but we're never going to have the happy ending, you have to know that. I can't have you hate me for this, because I know you do. I know you don't want to, but you do. I don't blame you for it, but I wish you wouldn't," he looked up at her with shining eyes. Instead of attempting an answer he just nodded as if he understood. He never really would though.

* * *

_- 'I wish you shelter from the storm, a cozy fire to keep you warm. But most of all when snowflakes fall, I wish you love' – _

**The next morning** felt like a fog, his warm body lay next to her. His breathing was quiet; she missed waking up next to him, feeling him breathe against her. She couldn't say she regretted their decision from the night before. If anything, she felt it gave them a sense of closure; she could finally let him go this time.

He opened his eyes to find the sunlight shining on him. He rolled over under the warm sheets to see her staring at him. He knew that this was finally it, they were over and he did have to set her free.

"You don't –"

"No…I don't," she answered him immediately; letting him know there was nothing she would take back about last night. "I am **always** going to love you, Luke. Nothing and no one will ever change that. You will **always** have my heart, please take that with you."

"I always do. This is it, isn't it?" he knew this was finally the end for them, that he wouldn't talk to her after this, that he wouldn't ask about her so often after this. He was finally letting her go, but taking all of her with him at the same time.

"This is it. I want you to find someone who loves you just as much as you loved me, and just as much as I love you in this moment. Can you do that for me?"

"I can try…hey, same goes for you okay?" he pushed a straying strand of hair behind her ear to see her face better.

"I'm working on it…" a few tears dripped from her eyes and fell down her cheeks.

"Hey," he tilted her chin up so she could see him, "You have mine too…you can take that with you too…"

She shook her head at him, opening her mouth to tell him differently.

"I'm not taking your heart with me, you're gonna need that. I know how deep your love goes for me, and that you were willing to sacrifice your own happiness to be with me, you were willing to move out here for me. So, I'm not taking your heart, Luke, I'm taking your love for me, because it made my life worth living for those five years. And it gives me hope. That's what I'm taking from you," she held his large calloused hand in her own, kissing his knuckles a few times.

"I'm going to let you go this time, Peyt."

"I know."

"Don't be afraid to call me in a few years when you get settled down, let me know you're okay."

"You too."

He got dressed in a few minutes, gave her one final kiss and with that he was gone from her life. She let him go and wished for him to find a love that made his life complete.

* * *

_- 'But most of all, when snowflakes fall, I wish you love, I wish you love, I wish you love, love, love, love, love, I wish you love' – _

**-- Five Years Later -- **

**Peyton had just** gotten engaged and moved in with her boyfriend of three years. It was a life altering event; it was beginning a whole new chapter. She needed her mother to make the transition complete. She drove through the streets of Tree Hill to the familiar cemetery; the field that had become like a home in her early teen years.

She shed a few tears over her mother's grave, and quietly thought of Ellie who was all around her. The wind blew around her, and in a way it felt like the two most important women in her life had given her their blessing. She was finally going to start her own family as she rubbed her stomach in anticipation. She had just found out a week before. They were both over-joyed and anxious for their child to make an appearance.

She hadn't asked about Lucas in years, though that first year had been just like the one before. She asked nearly once a month, but somewhere in those weeks that all blended together her need for him began to fade, as did the heartache. She had finally moved on with her life and he only entered her mind when she thought of her past. Those thoughts become rarer as she found all that she was looking for.

She drove through the streets a few more times, looking at all of the changes that had occurred in her disappearance. She still talked to Nathan and Haley, she had told them about the engagement and pregnancy only hours before. They were both thrilled for her and told her they would both be present and the wedding. Haley was set to be the maid of honor.

To her own surprise neither of them had ever held anything against her. Peyton was pretty sure they both felt the same as she did. They both knew Lucas and Peyton were a temporary glimmer of brilliance, but that they were eventually meant to fade away into the history of true love.

The blonde had never doubted Lucas had been a true love, never once had she thought differently. She thought of him now as the true love that needed to be set free, that in order for their love to live on they needed to let each other go. Without letting go, it would have faded and been turned into a terrible distortion; never recapturing the beauty or essence of what it once was. She fully understood why she had to go on without him.

A two story house that had never been there before caught her attention that fall day. She turned down the narrow street, parking on the corner so she could get a closer look. Approaching the yard she heard the voices of children yelling and laughing, telling their parents to lift them up to shoot.

She stepped up on the sidewalk, finally being able to view the little boy and little girl who were scrambling around on the pavement toward an orange basketball. A woman who looked to be about her age was running to them, laughing to herself as they screamed. And then her heart stopped.

A tall, broad shouldered, blonde haired man of her age ran to his family. He swung the little boy through the air and tickled the little girl until she cried with laughter. The children ran inside minutes later to get ready for baths. She looked on while he ran to his wife; he threw her over his right shoulder and laid her on the hammock that he had placed between two trees. He kissed her a few times before she scurried out of his arms, giggling as she ran inside to find the kids.

He took heavy steps in his orange work boots and faded blue jeans. She knew he was going inside, everything in her was telling her to run away, to get out of view. She was just across the street; he was going to see her. Rather than move, she stood still unable to remove her eyes.

A force took his eyes to the woman who was standing across the street. He squinted to focus on her, and when he finally saw who it was he could do nothing but smile as a diamond ring glinted in the sun's rays. Rather than wave, he just met her eyes. She knew he was happy, she could feel him from where she stood. She could see in his eyes that he had found the woman who loved him just as much as she had, but could give him everything he truly needed. Just as she had found the city boy who loved her more than she ever imagined he could. And this was all she wanted for the both of them; this was how it was supposed to be.

He gave her a smile that had always overwhelmed her heart with love, this time was no different. She returned the gesture; she could see he still felt it too. The wind surrounded her again as she watched him walk inside his home to his family, and with that she turned back to her car to head back to her own life.

This was how it needed to be.

* * *

**Wow, it was a long one. But I heard the song "I Wish You Love" by Rachel Yamagata at the end of the movie Prime (which has Mr. Bryan Greenberg :) by the way) and it kind of inspired the story. Actually the last five minutes inspired the story and I found the song to be very fitting for it. Check out the movie if you haven't. Anyway, it was a very bittersweet story and I feel it had a very different tone from any of my others. Usually I love the happy endings, but I needed to write this. **

**REVIEW FOR ME! Let me know what you thought.**


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